Tag: truth

Can I Still Do This?

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Christmas was magic. I watched my preschool aged daughter get her dream unicorn toy, ride the darn thing incessantly, and sleep with it in her bed. My toddler was overjoyed by the act of unwrapping presents, found delight in all the lights, and discovered the chorus of “Deck the Halls.” Seriously, it’s her jam.

Christmas was bliss. Is there anything better than wonder married to joy? Throughout December I witnessed my girls revel in the mysteries and miracles of the season. And throughout December I kept returning to one simple question, can I still do this? Can I capture, create, and exude enthusiasm like a preschooler and toddler?

These kids had so much fun during the holidays and so did I, but I wanted the kid version of Christmas. After a glass of Eggnog or two I came to the realization that the foundation for their fun is rooted in discovery.

At some point in adulthood I preset my mind to impact. I was determined to find people to impact me and I wanted to impact others. This is all good intentioned and necessary, but so is fun.

Discovering who I am through fika has been the most fun, so yes, I can still do this. I can capture, create, and exude enthusiasm like a preschooler and toddler.

Part of the fun of fika is pressing pause. Are you ready for some coffee and conversation?     Let’s have some fun. Let’s discover.

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Wander

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“A person does not grow from the ground like a vine or a tree, one is not part of a plot of land. Mankind has legs so it can wander.” ― Roman Payne, The Wanderess

I am a wanderer.

Too often we think of wandering solely in a physical capacity.

My mind goes a million places. My heart follows or ferociously finds a place to wander as well.

I have spent the past month wandering. I’ve let wild thoughts appear and multiply, delightful dreams dance throughout my imagination, and dangerous but determined emotional escapades unfold. Seriously, it’s so good to wander.

This adulthood thing can be serious. The world is for sure insane. So living and wandering in a world created by and through my heart is fun and encouraging. Every now and then, it’s good to escape.

But alas I’ve returned. So here’s to all of the things I found on the unpaved paths in my head and heart. And here’s to everything to come. Operation occupy the opportunity starts now.

38

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I am a perpetual daydreamer. I’ve got grand plans and big intentions. But this emotional, over-the-top, head-in-the-clouds fantasizer gets stuck. I freeze up out of fear or distract myself with busyness that’s unimportant. It’s been my burden for the past several years. And while I’d love to blame someone or something, I’ve got nothing. It’s me.

Enter my husband.

My marriage is full of love, compassion, and friendship, but there’s also sarcasm, competitiveness, and candor. My accountability partner in crime keeps it real. In fact, it’s often too real for my liking.

I’ve been talking about being a full-fledged writer and entrepreneur since he met me. In fact, he tells friends that I’m the long-term success strategy. He’s full of brutal logic and endless love. It’s an interesting combination.  The other night he reminded me that there’s been little progress in my projects. We danced the talk-it-out tango, which means I possessed a defensive flare and he demonstrated strong-willed sentiment. In essence, it boils down to action and accountability.

He’s my truth-teller.

I don’t envy him. I’m initially unreceptive and offended. But with time I come around to see his side. I know I need to do more and perform better. I need something tangible to keep me sane and firmly focused.

The book will be done and distributed by 38. That’s the vision and reaction to the challenge. I turn 37 in January. It might look like I’ve given myself the gift of time, but the book will need to be finished by February in order to get pitched to the masses this spring.

Dearest, this one isn’t for you. It’s for me. But thanks for never giving up on me. This thing we have is fearless.